Well, he was passing, so he thought he would drop in.

Kim Jong-trump had just spent a few days resting and relaxing in Japan with the other G20 world leaders, so he made a phone call to his mate Donald Un and asked if he could pop over for tea and hobnobs at Kim’s place; Kim calls his pad “North Korea,” and his front garden wall the De-Militarized Zone, or DMZ for short.  I always thought that was a pop music entertainment website but, hey, I could be wrong.

A number of years ago, when I used to rant multiple times a day on Facebook, I asked the question, why is it that US Presidents always go for oil-rich nations like Iraq, while ignoring countries whose dictators are equally as bad, except that there are no rich natural resources to plunder.  Well, President Donald J. Trump has certainly redressed that balance, hasn’t he?

The big question has to be, what on Earth do they talk about?  It seems that the biggest fear the Trumpeter has is that the North Korean regime might actually have real nuclear weapons that could realistically reach real real estate in North America.  Who cares about the rest of the world?

Every US president must have a legacy.  I think they have to have a presidential library, too, but it’s difficult to imagine the Trumpster reading, actually reading a book.  Anyway, a legacy is the most important thing.  Something everyone will remember them for.

For Trump, his legacy must sho’ nuff be North Korea, and, as of today, becoming the first US President in history to visit on North Korean soil.  But what has Trump achieved?  Nothing, of course, most of us knew that he was full of hot air and bullshit, apart from the 62 million people who voted for him.  Less than Hillary Clinton, but them’s the rules.  Besides, I would rather listen to a Travis album than have either of them – Trump or Clinton – as a president of my free world.

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Pop princess Taylor Swift has become the latest in a long, long, long line of performers and/or songwriters who have found themselves shafted by one or more person(s) at the so-called ‘business end’ of the so-called ‘music industry.’

Some may not recall this, and it does seem a million years ago, but, once upon a time, Taylor Swift was actually a country singer.

She signed to a brand new label in Nashville called Big Machine Records.  Indeed, founder Scott Borchetta hadn’t even set the label up when he approached Swift, promising her that she would be his first signee when everything was finalised with his label.  It was, and she was.

So country was she that her first single was entitled, ‘Tim McGraw.’  Everything was going swimmingly for Swift until she asked for – and was repeatedly denied – the option to buy the rights to her own work.  Her album’s master tapes, essentially, and the right to do whatever she wanted with them.

“You can’t,” Big Machine Records told her.

“Why not?” she asked.

“Because we want them,” Big Machine Records replied.

“Hang on, I’ll get my contract.  …blah blah…here we are…Big Machine Records will own the rights to all masters recorded by the Artist from now until whenever the Label sees fit to terminate the option…blah blah blah…I can’t believe it!”

“You signed it,” smirked Big Machine Records.

“But I was fifteen years old!!!” wept Taylor.

“Doesn’t matter what age you were, or what understanding you did or didn’t have of the legality of what you were signing.  You signed it, and it’s legally binding.  Now fuck off.”

Never was a record label more appropriately named.  Taylor Swift ended up recording six albums for that label, and though she has now left them, she cannot do anything with them, and she cannot control what anyone else sees fit to do with them, such as release an endless stream of Greatest Hits albums that completely flood the market and make the record-buying public entirely sick of Taylor Bloody Swift, if they aren’t already.

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More on the pop industry:  Legendary rock festival Glastonbury was back on our festival calenders this year after taking a year off in 2018.  It was good to see it back; but when artists such as Kylie Minogue occupy the ‘Legend’ slot on a Sunday afternoon, you know it’s been a fallow year.

Now, I’ve nothing against Kylie playing Glastonbury.  As many of the two of you will know, Ms Minogue was scheduled to play the festival back in 2005, when, at the age of 38, she was cruelly struck down with breast cancer at the moment that should have been her greatest triumph.

On that occasion, she was scheduled to headline the event.  So why was she not given that opportunity in 2019?  Why the cheesy ‘Legend’ slot, previously filled by the likes of Lionel Richie and Jeff Lynne’s ELO?  Perhaps the organisers were too busy signing the headlining contracts with the likes of Stormzy and The Cure to notice. Besides, legendary gospel singer Mavis Staples was already on the bill on Sunday, why didn’t she fill the ‘Legend’ slot?

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Of course, headline news this morning (July 3, 2019) was the defeat of England’s Lionesses by the mighty USA in the 2019 Women’s World Cup football tournament.

Unlike their male equivalents, this England squad, coached and managed by former Manchester United star Phil Neville, can hold their heads high this morning, despite a 2-1 defeat by the defending champions and, in all honesty, most likely the champions of this tournament as well.  England still have everything to play for on Saturday, by beating either Denmark (most likely) or Sweden in the 3rd place play-off.  As Mr. Neville said to the media, the 2019 Women’s squad really did leave their hearts on the pitch at the end of a furious and fast-paced game from start to finish; but, as Mr. Neville didn’t say, the Lionesses also taught the men the value of not just physical hard work but emotional as well.  They worked hard, for each other, and provided a match that was exciting to watch.  Unfortunately, and this is something that they could not control, the usual Elements of Fate came into play where England are concerned.  And last night, we had it all.

First of all, this was the first major tournament that I have seen in which V.A.R. (Video Assistant Referee) was used as an essential and integral feature of the game.  If you have no idea about football, and care not two shits about it, I’ll be brief: V.A.R. is set up to assist the person who is now known as the ‘head referee,’ and there are about half a dozen staff in an off-pitch office watching any incident that is questioned from every possible angle.  If a decision by the ‘head ref’ is disputed, then it goes to V.A.R., who pass a final judgement.  Furthermore, the head ref has a video screen at the side of the pitch, from which they can watch replays of the incident.

Players and pundits have been calling for this for years and, now that it’s here, is it working?  Well, yes and no.  And this is where the thought that, oh no, here we go again comes in.  With the score at 2-1 to the USA, England scored a goal early in the second half that, in 99 cases out of 100, would have been given.  But no, just because it is second nature for defenders to wave their arms in the air and claim offside, in the hope that the referee shares that view, the decision went to V.A.R.  England had already run around the pitch showing off Ellen White’s now well-known goal celebration; a nod to Cologne striker Anthony Modeste.  Yes, the goggles thing.

The decision came back: goal disallowed.  Absolutely typical.  Why?  Because at the moment she received the ball, Ellen White was literally the width of a boot offside.  I was yelling my head off, frightening the cats having sex under my living room window, at this mental decision – correct by the letter of the law, perhaps, but not in the spirit of the game.

England seemed to fall apart after that.  And how many times in major tournaments in my entire lifespan (since the World Cup of 1966) have we seen that?  One decision goes against us and our spirits turn to jelly.

Next, came the penalty.  This time, V.A.R. worked in England favour.  Ellen White was brought down in the box, it went to V.A.R., and the decision came back – penalty to England.  Captain Steph Houghton stepped up and parried a weak shot straight into the goalkeeper’s arms, thank you very much.  Still 2-1, and still England cannot score.  There is actually a psychological condition that has a name that affects anyone who puts on an England football jersey.  It’s called The Penalty Curse, and, basically, the symptoms include: palpitations, sweat, jelly legs, and making crazy decisions that seem entirely rational and normal to you at the time, such as gifting the bloody ball straight to the f***ing goalkeeper!!!  We’ve seen it time and again for England in World Cups, and in European Championships – famously against Germany, of course, beaten by them in a penalty shoot-out twice; once in Italy in 1990 and then in Euro 96 semi-final at Wembley Stadium in a night of heartbreak for current England manager Gareth Southgate.

Thirdly, there was the Sending Off.  Millie Bright had been yellow-carded in the first half of an increasingly fractious game, so the England centre-back needed to be very careful throughout the rest of the game; no silly tackles, no rash challenges – you know the drill. But, almost on cue, Bright was sent off for a second yellow card in the 87th minute.  Perfect.  Because V.A.R. had been used twice in the second half, the head ref added on seven minutes of added time, so England was forced to play almost 11 minutes (plus extra time if needed, ha ha ha!) with ten women.

The more this technology is used, the more games will be delayed by a considerable amount and – who knows – ten, fifteen minutes added on at the end of a game.  Personally, although I accept that it does remove the ambiguity of certain key decisions, is that enough of a justification for holding up play to such a degree that players can go off and write a novel?  Not in my opinion.  Bring back the old fun of referees getting it wrong!  So, England suffered all three of their major bugbears in 52 minutes of football.  And I’ll not even go into all the tactical and preparational reasons why the USA were so dominant against England, and indeed throughout the entire world of women’s football.  But it does lead me to question why it is that the men of the USA cannot exercise the same dominance?  Perhaps we shall never know.  For now, though, one could not help but admire the strength, organisation and tactics of the American team, especially their captain, Alex Morgan, not to mention their stunning keeper, who made several absolutely world-class saves last night – Alyssa Naeher.

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Well, I hope you enjoyed this quick rant-up of the current news events, I appreciate that it is only a taster but if I don’t stop now, I shall never get this perishing thing online and people will be reading it, thinking what World Cup?  So I shall bid you a fondle farewell and see you on the far side of town. x